Everything Old Is New Again

The main objective for the mentorship with Kristen Ley was to develop and complete a Spring collection. The portfolio review was to sort existing work into collections and suggest new ways to organize my files. A series that began in 2013 of Chinoiserie chic elements like Staffordshire dogs and porcelain dolls was the first collection to stand out. The approach would be to vectorize the original paintings and enhance design elements that could be developed into complementary patterns. 

Original Painting (L) - 2023 Refresh to adapt for surface pattern (R)

Original Painting (L) - 2023 Refresh to adapt for surface pattern (R)

objet d’art

Antiquing is a way of life for me. I love the Decorative Arts wing in museums. When I plan to visit a large museum, I always search for objet d’art (A fancy French term that means decorative, ornamental works of art and can be figurines, metalwork, engraved gems, tapestries, ceramic plates, textiles). This is a niche wing of art history that lights me up. The scope of decorative arts holds portrait miniatures, detailed finials, decoupage, and ornate cigarette cases–basically the stuff I seek at antique malls. Objects have tremendous power to unlock memories and turn people into collectors. 

The idea to revisit a series of artwork from 2013 ignited something within me, and I began a series of paintings with an extraordinary destiny. At the end of 2022, I searched for juried competitions, and the priority was to develop a series of paintings for the 27th Annual NO DEAD ARTISTS International Juried Exhibition of Contemporary Art at Jonathan Ferrara Gallery in New Orleans, LA. I wrote little notes to my future self in my 2023 planner. How are the paintings coming along? This is your year; you know you can do this! Then the countdown began: You have two months until submission. 

During winter break, I binged season two of White Lotus and loved the opening credits design elements. I did an illustration of the Italian Majolica decorative head about the legend of the Testa di Moro on my iPad while watching S2 again. I searched The Met Collection online for more Staffordshire pottery, which led to Majolica pottery, then European porcelain figurines from the 1700’s. It became a feast. 

And this is how the Fidus Amor series began.

Title: Hearing (one of a pair)

Factory: Chelsea Porcelain Manufactory (British, 1745–1784, Red Anchor Period, ca. 1753–58)
Modeler: Modeled by Joseph Willems (Flemish, 1716–1766)
Date: ca. 1755

Medium: Soft-paste porcelain with enamel decoration and gilding

When a Midlife Crisis Collides with a Global Pandemic

When time stood still during spring break of 2020, I didn’t know then that I would spend the next year at home with my kids as their virtual school facilitator. It was a constrained choice that I will never regret the privilege of being able to make for their well-being, but it took a toll on my mental health. I don’t know anyone who made it through that period unscathed. 

The real connection we long for is the connection with ourselves; the connection with where we are here and now…When the connection with our own presence is broken everything just starts to feel empty.

—Jeff Foster

The first day of school began remotely in our playroom on August 17, 2020.

The school district kept extending the return to in-person learning and had a feeling it would be for the entire semester. Virtual learning resumed after the holidays on January 5, 2021, with in-person learning scheduled to resume on January 19. 

2021

Winter

The Winter of Discontent

The view from the studio upon my grand return wasn’t too promising, but I remained grateful. It was the coldest winter I could remember in Mississippi.

I turned 40 on February 9, and we had a catastrophic ice storm on Valentine's Day that kept us indoors for five full days. Even though we were used to being at home, the break from having to manage virtual school rekindled the desire to draw and document such a rare event. The Deep South has memorable snow days, but I couldn't recall ever seeing the roads socked out or being stuck indoors for five days.

In a city with an ongoing water crisis, I knew we couldn't escape a thaw without water woes. The district announced a partial return for some schools on March 1, but we remained virtual until one week after Spring Break. 

We took our first post-covid trip to Bentonville, AR, with friends to see the North Forest Lights at Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art, for Spring Break.

I visited Crystal Bridges by myself and experienced a flood of emotions.

Art museums feel like a sanctuary. After an extended period of isolation, it almost felt like my first time walking into The Met as a teen. I recalled memorable museum visits and the past versions of myself. I felt like a failure. My self-worth was tied to productivity as a metric, and if given the chance to start fresh at that moment, I had no clue what I wanted. I knew I wanted change but was unable to articulate why or how.

I knew I was processing a lot of trauma in this moment and reeled over the trauma I overcame after losing my Mom to suicide when I was 21. It was the defining moment that formed me into the artist I am today and placed me on a journey that made me so resilient. I assumed the elasticity would help me through this, but in March of 2021, I felt trapped under a wet blanket. My identity went through some shape-shifting during motherhood, but this felt gargantuan. Was this a midlife crisis? Was it surviving a global pandemic? Both?

Signs of a Midlife Crisis in Women

Depression, reflection on deep questions or preoccupations with existential concerns, sleep problems, weight changes, feeling apathetic, numb, or generally ‘blah’ about things in life, sense of loss, desiring significant change, extreme feelings of overwhelm, emotional volatility, pervasive feelings of unfulfillment or emptiness, nostalgia for the past, feeling trapped in your life…..

Spring

I started filling pages in a watercolor sketchbook daily. Most of it was observing our neighborhood blossom. Painting in my sketchbook was purely to explore and collect inspiration. The past few years were primarily focused on portrait commissions to provide reliable income, and it was rewarding to not struggle financially as a career artist. I realized how much emphasis I put into marketing myself as a creative business owner. It was reassuring to trust my instinct to know that the operating mode no longer served me and that I was starting a new chapter.

Summer

The extended period of isolation made me grateful to return to normal activities with friends. We joined our community pool and felt a sense of ease this summer. It reminded me of my childhood, spending every day at the YMCA pool, and inspired me to create a series of watercolors.

The Summer of 2021 was when I decided to start dreaming about what I wanted to do next.

Recalibrate.

Reconnection

In July, I signed the kids up for a week long art camp in Ocean Springs, MS. We coordinated plans with friends that week and I spent the time while they were in art camp to recharge and rest. I started to feel a desire to reconnect with past versions of myself, to symbolically retrace steps and reach out to say, “You’re going to be okay, and you are going to meet some incredible people who will change your life forever.” To heal.

This is where my journey as an artist began.

I transferred to William Carey College on the Coast a few weeks after my Mom passed. I could see the water every day on my way to class and began to find magic. I graduated with a BFA in 2004 one year before Hurricane Katrina made landfall and changed the entire landscape of this area of the MS Gulf Coast. It is surreal to have memories of a place that profoundly changed me no longer resemble itself.

A few days after we returned home, I registered for a Visual Journaling retreat in the South of France in the summer of 2022. I took a leap of faith and decided to get specific on how I would spend the next year defining my goals and envisioning the best possible outcomes for my career path.

I knew that my path forward as an artist needed careful introspection and consideration.

It meant redefining how I view success, where I dedicate my attention, and adapting to a more mindful approach from a legacy perspective.