fidus amor

“Art must be an expression of love or it is nothing.”
— Marc Chagall​​

style

Designing and curating a spring collection created a new work method. It was refreshing to have a process that felt decisive and disciplined. Utilizing the new Adobe Creative Cloud was a big part of this when I upgraded in February because my Photoshop version would not do what I wanted. I am fluent in Photoshop but have room to grow in learning Illustrator. A specific need for a program to function a certain way is an ideal motivator. The frustration of trying to create patterns using math was not it, and the ease of Pattern Preview was a game changer. 

Most paintings I've done in the past few years have been on a smaller scale because they tend to sell faster. This was my year to move away from creating work from a mindset of How much money will this make? Is it worth my time? When a painting begins that way for me personally, it shows. When I started my studio as a business almost eight years ago, I needed to learn how to make money and soften my interwoven emotions with creating art. The 2023 goal was to create a method to produce quality and meaningful artwork with potential to increase revenue spans + reach through licensing opportunities. 

My sketchbook from a trip to DC was a training exercise for how I wanted to maximize the Visual Journaling retreat in France in 2022. I found some delicious Strathmore watercolor sketchbooks that made me want to keep a consistent style and color palette. I would begin a sketch on-site, like the one of my kids sitting at a table in the Pavilion Cafe in the National Gallery of Art's Sculpture Garden, and take a panoramic photo to fill details in later to maximize the paper’s landscape format. I developed a frequently used color palette with HIMI and MIYA jelly gouache with fluorescent paints. 

inspiration

The biggest inspiration for a limited palette and line quality was researching the work of background animators from Looney Tunes (Warner Brothers) cartoons from the 1950s, like Maurice Noble, Ernie Nordli, Chuck Jones, and Irv Wyner. I found an animation background archive site and went down the rabbit hole. I promise that is not a pun about Bugs Bunny.

art history remix through reference imagery

The Afternoon Meal (La Merienda), oil on canvas, by Luis Meléndez (Spanish, Naples 1716–1780 Madrid), ca. 1772

Hearing and Sight (Pair), Chelsea Porcelain Manufactory (British, 1745–1784, Red Anchor Period, ca. 1753–58), Modeled by Joseph Willems (Flemish, 1716–1766), ca. 1755, Soft-paste porcelain with enamel decoration and gilding

The reference imagery was remixed into a digital collage of the two porcelain figures placed into a setting from The Afternoon Meal, by Luis Meléndez (from the same period). The simplified patterns on the porcelain and flowers were  ideal elements to develop into a surface pattern. The stage was set, and I dialed into painting on the easel. Returning to painting on a larger scale felt so good, with curiosity and inspiration at the helm. This process and method of working united previous techniques and styles that operated like satellites for me. It combined my love for antique malls, decorative arts, painting on a larger scale, line work, and a high-voltage color palette.

During this time, I was not sharing any of this on Instagram, but would with anyone I spoke to in person. Although I felt certain with where I was going with this, it felt like an intrusion to divide my attention by “capturing content”. Maybe it is a resistance to always feeling under surveillance or how authentic this felt, I did not want to record while pretending I wasn’t. Oh, hi, I didn’t see you there! For the first time, I wanted to see a process through fruition and let it develop before sharing what I thought about it in bites. That choice to treat it in this way was something I needed because artists experience a range of sensations during the creative process. Some days, problems arise, and you have to walk away and some flow and feel triumphant. 

production

fidus amor

I titled the painting Fidus Amor, Latin for true love, because I mindfully embraced radical self-acceptance. It is challenging to be an artist because it is an extension of yourself in a physical form subject to criticism. A positive mindset would suggest that an artist’s work is an extension of oneself that can reach other people and be celebrated. Fidus Amor results from a year dedicated to shadow work, slaying the dragons of self-doubt, and feeling firmly planted in this new direction. It is a process like a garden that needs tending, pruning, and consideration for the seasons. 

surface pattern

The first image below is from a lookbook with mock-ups to visualize. More details are to come for how you can purchase products.

Everything Old Is New Again

The main objective for the mentorship with Kristen Ley was to develop and complete a Spring collection. The portfolio review was to sort existing work into collections and suggest new ways to organize my files. A series that began in 2013 of Chinoiserie chic elements like Staffordshire dogs and porcelain dolls was the first collection to stand out. The approach would be to vectorize the original paintings and enhance design elements that could be developed into complementary patterns. 

Original Painting (L) - 2023 Refresh to adapt for surface pattern (R)

Original Painting (L) - 2023 Refresh to adapt for surface pattern (R)

objet d’art

Antiquing is a way of life for me. I love the Decorative Arts wing in museums. When I plan to visit a large museum, I always search for objet d’art (A fancy French term that means decorative, ornamental works of art and can be figurines, metalwork, engraved gems, tapestries, ceramic plates, textiles). This is a niche wing of art history that lights me up. The scope of decorative arts holds portrait miniatures, detailed finials, decoupage, and ornate cigarette cases–basically the stuff I seek at antique malls. Objects have tremendous power to unlock memories and turn people into collectors. 

The idea to revisit a series of artwork from 2013 ignited something within me, and I began a series of paintings with an extraordinary destiny. At the end of 2022, I searched for juried competitions, and the priority was to develop a series of paintings for the 27th Annual NO DEAD ARTISTS International Juried Exhibition of Contemporary Art at Jonathan Ferrara Gallery in New Orleans, LA. I wrote little notes to my future self in my 2023 planner. How are the paintings coming along? This is your year; you know you can do this! Then the countdown began: You have two months until submission. 

During winter break, I binged season two of White Lotus and loved the opening credits design elements. I did an illustration of the Italian Majolica decorative head about the legend of the Testa di Moro on my iPad while watching S2 again. I searched The Met Collection online for more Staffordshire pottery, which led to Majolica pottery, then European porcelain figurines from the 1700’s. It became a feast. 

And this is how the Fidus Amor series began.

Title: Hearing (one of a pair)

Factory: Chelsea Porcelain Manufactory (British, 1745–1784, Red Anchor Period, ca. 1753–58)
Modeler: Modeled by Joseph Willems (Flemish, 1716–1766)
Date: ca. 1755

Medium: Soft-paste porcelain with enamel decoration and gilding

2023: The year that answered

“You can’t really know where you’re going until you know where you have been.”
— Maya Angelou

new year, new possibilities

I recently saw a tweet that said, “January me wouldn’t believe the life I’ve lived this year.” After a year dedicated to healing and focusing my attention, I registered for Kristen Ley’s mentoring session to develop and curate a pattern collection in January 2023. Working as a sole creator for many years, it felt imperative to invest in my creative career to narrow my focus and utilize the accountability that came with the mentorship. Kristen is one of the most brilliant creatives I know and has a gift for problem-solving and solutions. It was also important as a friend that Kristen would have an understanding of my work over the past few years and be straightforward. I was ready to advance, utilize new methods, and strategies. The healing work helped me see how long I had operated from a wounded source. 

Groundwork

Painting is a changing process that is rooted in trial and error. I am maximizing the right brain when I am in a flow state. The left brain is necessary for correction during the process. Still, letting it become a critic instead of the editor is so easy. The critic will start feeding self-doubt that sabotages the joy that inspired the beginning. The editor knows to walk away to come back with fresh eyes, adjust colors, and let you know when a painting has come to completion. We have to be careful about the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. A narrative is powerful with the ability to be soul-crushing or life-giving. 

When I shifted my focus to building a new body of work, it felt like something that needed care and protection. Creating an environment to channel intrinsic motivation was part of this plan, and this prep work revealed I needed a break from Instagram. The mounting frustration with the influx of ads from user-generated content and the difficulty of the algorithm allowing your posts to be seen made me realize I needed to change how I operate. This signaled that the app will likely roll out subscription-based options by causing an extended period of frustration to increase the appeal of a premium option with more control and fewer ads. 

“I’ve noticed that when I’m facing a difficult decision, I often start polling people. That polling habit has become my indicator light that I need less input and more silence and stillness so I can hear myself. Of course I seek counsel from a few people in my life, but when I can’t connect with what I’m thinking or feeling - that’s when I get into dangerous default territory (either standing too far back and not deciding, or letting others decide for me).”
— Brené Brown

The most significant push for me to take an extended break was realizing how much energy I put into valuing engagement, likes, and feedback analytics over the past 7 years. Social media has a lot of pitfalls. Comparison traps when you see someone else doing something similar or perceived as better, leading you to immediately scrap it. Working on something and not sharing about it became a thrill after oversharing out of habit. Polling reactions/opinions and being chronically online was replaced with direct contact through texts to friends and family. It was apparent early on that this new shift was meaningful. Someone my age has seen technology rapidly change. It feels uneasy to even be on any platform over a decade. 

Prepwork

The prep work began in January, with the mentoring session scheduled to start on February 1. The first task was to create a scope of work by saving images to Dropbox. This initially felt daunting, and Kristen suggested automating screenshots to streamline the process. My mindset at the time was how scattered my work felt. It was a combination of operating in perpetual motion and object permanence from concepts, sketches, and paintings tucked away for years. Common threads and patterns appeared. It felt like having a personal retrospective, and I was proud of how much work I have done through the years. To go from “Oh, I’m an artist that does a little bit of everything, kind of all over the place” to this pride knowing I’ve had a spontaneous career path led by humor, bold color palettes, a love for antiques, tchotchkes, and pop culture. 

Kristen requested a portfolio review to sort existing work into collections and suggested new ways to organize my files. I have continuously operated within a theme or group in my career but felt a need to move on if it needed to be better received or if I lost interest. Surface pattern design has always been something I wanted to learn more about, and the process was a lightbulb moment. By taking an existing painting, I could define a hero image and assign supporting design elements into patterns, multiplying its potential. 

Action Plan

With proximity to Spring, I decided to develop a pattern collection under the guidance of Kristen. It felt like a design boot camp that provided the structure and accountability I sought. She created a timeline with checkpoints and deadlines to have product samples in my hands before launching a collection on my website and social media. 

Run Rabbit Run

The project supported by the mentorship was to create a Spring Collection. If you know me, you know I am a Christmas girlie, and maybe I spend my allowance for holiday cheer all in one place. I enjoy many things about Spring and Easter, but we don’t usually decorate the house. I brainstormed about themes, and the bunny rabbit was at the top.

During moments of grief, I’ve encountered Messengers of Hope. Butterflies and moths are the most common. I don’t mean I see one through a window. It will be an interaction that’s impossible to ignore. Like when a dragonfly interacted with me on my way to the car. It flew in, landed on the dash, and hitched a ride. On the 20-year mark of my Mom’s passing, I encountered a wild French Hare as dusk began to reveal the Strawberry Supermoon in the sky. Because I tend to look for magic, I find it in symbolic meaning.

Sprigs of French lavender, the butterfly, and the symbolism of the hare infused a connection with the process that didn’t surface in my earliest attempts. The goal became creating a full illustration, extracting supporting design elements, and remaining within a limited color palette.

Run Rabbit Run

From here, my ideas began multiplying like rabbits. It has always been a dream of mine to see my work on products like textiles, wallpaper, and linens. I tested out a few print on demands options, but would ultimately love to move into licensing my illustration and working with agencies. If you know someone, give me a shout!